(c) http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/northeast
A bold statement I know, but I have always believed that you should not wait for the calendar to tell you that you can try and become the person that you want to be, it should not be the addition of a number to the year that gives you permission to change. If you really want to make a difference, make a change in yourself or the way you live your life, that should be when you are ready to do it. It is harder to do when you have to set your own limits, but you will want to stick to it more, if you are ready to change, change, don't just wait for society to say 'give it a try, but you know you won't get further than January 18th'.
At this time of year though, I do like to look back, to see where the last year has taken me, and to see what I have learnt, then I know what I can take into the new year, and what I know I will want to change, or develop at some point in the year. I cannot moan about something I cannot change, and if I can change it, do it, do not moan.
2011 was a pretty significant year for me, I did not get married (2010), I did not move country (2008), I did not start a new job (2008). But I did move house, less than a mile down the road, in January 2011, and it is just where we want to be, my health is no longer in question, and this is a big step in itself.
2011 instead, was about me growing as a person.
in 2011, I completed a triathlon (1.33) and I didn't die (though the run was particularly hideous) and I am even considering doing a slightly longer/outside one in 2012. The triathlon was the challenge I set myself, I wanted to push my body physically, and mentally. I wanted to prove that I was not just average at everything, I didn't want to win, I didn't do it to see where I placed, but I did it to test whether I had the strength of character to train for something, to commit to something, and to raise money for something I believed in. (£500.00 for Stonewall UK.)
2011 was also the year that I bit the bullet and ventured back into Rugby. I have always loved the game, and for a long time (after coming back from the USA and getting injured) I thought I would settle to just watch, never to really be able to play again, but in July I bit the bullet and joined a team, it was a big step for me, I am not very good at meeting new people, and I am very aware that I do not have the skills/talents to be brilliant. But I took a chance to spend a few hours a week with a lovely bunch of girls, and learn each week about the game I love, and know, that once I am fit again, I could play for them, well that just fills me with hope, and joy and a hell of a lot of nerves, but I don't think that is a bad thing.
2011 was the year that I started to fix myself, mentally and physically. I have seen a Chiropractor and a Counsellor (finally, a 6 month waiting list on the NHS after all). I have accepted that I was not being the best me that I can be, and I was suffering because of it. It is not an easy road, there are exercises, physical and mental, and there is pain, but it seems to be working, gradually, I am starting to like the person that I could become.
2011, I tried to finish my novel, at least to have the word count, but alas, life got in the way, Nanowrimo did not fit well into my life, November is a rather busy month, but I wrote 20,000 words, and realised just how I wanted the story to end, I feel that this might even be the better outcome than the 100'000 completed. I know where Annie is going, and who she has become, I like her as a character, finally.
And so to 2012...
I have a few things that I know, when I am ready, I want to work on over the coming year.
In 2012, I want to get the word count for my novel written, I do not want to commit to actually having a first draft written, because this is meant to be something that I enjoy, and I am aware that when you sit at a desk for 35 hours a week doing the inevitable things that come with earning a wage, you don't want to sit in front of a different computer (although if Fleetwood arrives in 2012 I may never want to go away from her.)
In 2012 (health pending) I would like to do another Triathlon, preferably one that has an outdoor (or longer than 400m) swim. After completing the one in 2011 I felt good, and strong, and I want to try and improve my time, it's a wonderful challenge (and the general tri season is luckily in the off season for rugby...).
In 2012, I want to enjoy the Olympics, this might seem like a daft thing to suggest, after all I am not competing, but I do have tickets, and I am taking the two weeks off. I want to be able to take the time to revel in the fact that it is in my own country. I love sport. I love watching sport. And I love experiencing new things with my wonderful wife. So, in 2012 I am going to take advantage of this event, not worry about the little pennies, and be a GBR supporter.
In 2012, I am going to be stronger, mentally, physically, emotionally. I am going to be braver, not all the time, because that is not achieveable, but I am going to take advantage of any situation, and sometimes, just when I think it would be easier, I am going to try and push through, and see what comes of it. I cannot consider myself lonely if I lock myself away.
... and finally, in 2012, and I going to be the best wife I can be, she has supported me through the most wonderful 6 years together, and the most magical 18 months of marriage, so I reckon I am going to try and be the best damn wife I can be.
So, 2011 was a big year, and I hope 2012 is one too, I hope that I can continue to find my poetry muse, and enjoy life, and revel in the little surprises (a tax rebait cheque arriving on the 27th December is one of them) that life can present.
Fancy coming along for the ride?
IPx
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